The Saddle & The Reins

I haven't been writing much lately, and was really hoping to write something upbeat. But this came... sometimes you've just gotta take what the muse gives ya.


The get up and the go
The saddle and the reins
A shovel full of coal
Lame horse against a train

The pulse and the steam
The weight pulled behind
All the roads into Rome
But one so hard to find

     CHORUS
     We’ve all been to hell, but then
     Some don’t make it back again
     Are you thinking of a name?
     Ding dong, the bells ring out
     And whispers trickle through the crowd
     Are you thinking of a name?

I used to have a friend
Who’d steal my bathroom pills
And try to numb his pain
With rolled up dollar bills

Bruises down his arms
Like falling minor scales
He could hide it in his eyes
You’d never know half the tale

     REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Everyone knows someone reaching out
Without a doubt, without a doubt

The get up and the go
The saddle and the reins
A shovel full of coal
Lame horse against a train

     REPEAT CHORUS

Standing There With Me (2nd revision)

I got feedback on the original and 1st edit from 3 different writers groups including this one. The major thread was that more verses and story line were wanted from the original. My 1st revision added a verse, but I still didn't feel 100% about it. The crux of the song's inspiration for me was the very first line, and what it meant to me. But I'd wimped out or was lazy in the first 2 cracks at it as fart as letting the listener in on that secret. This new version adds a final verse that sums it up and gives the song a true ending. That was a problem from the start. Another was that some writers were puzzled by the changing tense of the "standing there" lines in each verse. I didn't have that issue, but maybe that's becuase I knew the untold meaning and where the story went in my head. Now, it finally goes there in the song too. I tweaked a few other bits here and there too.

Standing There With Me

Come on girl, let me wrap my world around you and your faded jeans
Help me build a blue sky for dreaming bigger dreams
When all is said and done, oh darlin' it won't mean a thing
If I can't have you standing there with me

When we met, I tripped right over my tongue
But somehow I made you laugh, and that first lock came undone
And, ever since that day, every day's been a better one
Because I've had you standing there with me

     Life sure can take twists and turns on its way
     Winding through these precious few lucky days

I never really wanted kids until you told me that you did
Now I swear my heart has grown, I feel it bursting through my ribs
A lot of things have changed, yeah this old dog has learned new tricks
Because I've had you standing there with me

We’ve had our sleepless nights, and wiped away some tears
Once or twice I know it felt like way more than our share
Hell, I just can’t imagine getting through these last few years
If I didn’t have you standing there with me

     Life sure can take twists and turns on its way
     Winding through these precious few lucky days

So meet me under a steeple, or with a justice of the peace
At a clearing in the woods, or ankle deep on a beach
It doesn’t matter where, just so long as you’ll be
Standing there with me
No it doesn’t matter where, just so long as you’ll be
Standing there with me

Come on girl, let me wrap my world around you and your faded jeans

Overcome

Sometimes the shadows call my name
They don’t care about the sun
And I keep playing at their game
Feeling like I’m the only one
Whoever got knocked down while trying
Gotta let the light in or I’m done

     CHORUS
     There’s cold fear all over out there
     Someone else has stared down what you’re staring at now
     Over river or wall, you can climb, you can crawl
     It’s been done, it’s been done, it’s been done

     There’s cold fear all over out there
     Someone else has stared down what you’re staring at now
     Over river or wall, you can climb, you can crawl 
     It’s been done, it’s been done, it’s been done
     Overcome

I just watched a movie about that guy
Who wrote A Brief History of Time
And I know it’s impossible to compare
His load to mine
But we all get knocked down while trying
Gotta dig your heels into the grime

     REPEAT CHORUS

My Worst

This one is clearly not a country song. I wrote it on a bus ride to Toronto one morning last week. It was nice to have my old writing method resurface after so long in hibernation (with a few exceptions, more or less since I started trying to write country). The old method was that songs would just come to me, and I'd recognize in them the thoughts, emotions, pressures, fears, etc. from my life that'd been bubbling under the surface for the recent past. It's clearly not straightforward enough to be country. I'm fine with that.

I was delirious
The drugs just didn’t agree
There was no telling
What I did and didn’t really see

I was terrified
And I looked anything but strong
On a horse by my bedside
You rode the whole way along

   CHORUS
   More a blessing than a curse
   You’ve seen me at my best and worst 
   Much more a blessing than a curse
   You’ve seen me at my worst

I dropped the ball
Nothing’ll ever be that tough
Nearly lost the family jewels
These clichés don’t hurt quite as much 

   REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
I will try until my dying day
Yet know some debts can’t be repaid
And that’s okay

   REPEAT CHORUS
 

Standing There With Me

On November 16, I woke up at 4:20 am from a dream. In it,  I was standing in a booth at a huge stadium. Tim McGraw and Jason Aldean came through a door behind me and said quick hellos and patted me on the back as they passed on their way down through the bleachers to an island stage in the middle of the floor crowd. They were co-hosting a big fundraiser concert. Jason was starting the show with his latest hit. I’d written it. The first line was all I heard before I woke up. I went straight downstairs and spent the next hour or so quietly writing on the sofa. This is the first song I’ve written in months. Very happy about it.



Come on girl, let me wrap my world around you and your faded jeans
Help me build a blue sky for dreaming bigger dreams
When all is said and done, oh darlin' it won't mean a thing
If I can't have you standing there with me

Remember when we met, I tripped right over my tongue
But somehow I made you laugh, and that first lock came undone
Well, ever since that day, every day's been a better one
Because I've had you standing there with me

BRIDGE
Life sure can take twists and turns on its way
Winding through these precious few lucky days

I never really wanted kids until you told me that you did
Now I swear my heart has grown, I feel it bursting through my ribs
A lot of things have changed, yeah this old dog has learned new tricks
Because I've had you standing there with me

BRIDGE
Life sure can take twists and turns on its way
Winding through these precious few lucky days

Come on girl, let me wrap my world around you and your faded jeans
Help me build a blue sky for dreaming bigger dreams
When all is said and done, oh darlin' it won't mean a thing
If I can't have you standing there with me

When all is said and done, oh darlin' it won't mean a thing
If I can't have you standing there with me

Turn Up The Fiddle

Well, I’ve been weighed down, brick of life
But I’m digging out, the pile goes on for miles
This week has taken ’bout a lifetime to go by
Now I’m ready for some Friday dynamite, dynamite

Yeah, Dynamite, let’s dance

CHORUS
Let’s get out in the middle
Lay it down on the floor
Tell the band, turn up the fiddle
Cuz I could use a little more
Tell the band, turn up the fiddle
Cuz I could use a little more

You’ve been leaning on that bar too long
I think it’s time I got your feet moving to this song
Leave your drink, I’ll buy another one later on
Something tells me this place’ll close before we’re done

Yeah, Dynamite, let’s dance

SHORT CHORUS

BRIDGE
There’s a time and place for slow dancin’, but it ain’t now
It’s time to kick your seat out, time to pick your feet up, time is running out
You wanna stretch this night until daylight? Well I can show you how
C’mon, stretch this night until daylight. Yeah I can show you how

LONG CHORUS

Milk

I've recently been introduced to one of life's little heart-wrenching experiences: not being able to console a newborn who only wants his mother's breast milk. It seems that's all our little fella wants... all     the     time! hehe.

I wrote all the lyrics and melody for this one while soothing him in the living-room armchair as mamma caught some much-needed sleep upstairs.




Oh, I see the way you look at her
And I can’t help but be jealous
I’d surely lend a hand if I were
Not just one of the fellas

CHORUS
But I will rise like the sun when you open your eyes
I will wipe away every tear that you cry
Do every single little thing that I can till you get your fill
Oh I will rock your cradle every afternoon
I will tell you stories of the man in the moon
Yeah, I’ll love you like your mama will
I just ain’t got milk
Oh, I will love you like your mama will
I just ain’t got milk

Even when your eyes are closed
I know you’re dreaming of boobies
I wish that I could get a two-bit role
In one of those movies

CHORUS

BRIDGE
The only thing you know is the river that flows white gold
Yeah the only thing you know is white gold

CHORUS

Little Fireball

We're expecting our first baby in the next couple weeks! I wrote this one back in February.

It feels like slow motion, as we get rolling
For your first ride around the sun
I’m a little scared and under-prepared
Waiting for the countdown to come

CHORUS
One of these days I’ll open my eyes
And we’ll be gazing at the sky
You’ll blow me away, imagining why
It’s up there at all
One of these hands’ll be here to hold
As the universe unfolds
Every star has a fiery soul
No matter how small

My little fireball, little fireball
Little fireball, little fireball

Your ship is ready, engine revving steady
Can you feel her rhythm?
I press my ear to your atmosphere
And tap to the beat of your tiny drum

REPEAT CHORUS

My little fireball, little fireball
Little fireball, little fireball

My little fireball, little fireball
My little fireball, little fireball

Five Point Five

I don’t really know why I’m posting this or if anybody’s even reading this blog. But if you do and it inspires a loving thought for me or anyone you know in a similar situation, then that makes me feel a bit better.

I wrote this song, Five Point Five, back in January…

My family doc called to say that the X-ray I got that morning showed a large mass on my left lung. There are no words that truly describe what those words do to you. Terrified and confused barely scratch the surface.

I had a CT scan within a week and saw one of the best surgeons in the country a couple days later. He said there were a few things it could be, but that its characteristics most suggested that it was a benign tumour grown out of the pleural sac. He operated on March 1 and removed it.

I cannot say enough nice things about everyone my family and I encountered at Toronto General through the 30 or so hours I was in the building. The incredible skill and compassion they exhibit daily is truly amazing. Andrew, Sheila, Nelson, Angela, Bon Jovi (yes, I had a nurse named Bon Jovi!)… there are more names I never got or can’t recall right now. So many great people — thank you for taking such incredible care of me. 

If you know someone who works in healthcare, give 'em a hug right now.

Surgery went very well and the team was confident that they got all the bad bits out. The operation was done laparoscopically, so I was back home by suppertime the next day. My dad, who was an RN for around 30 years, flew up to be my personal nurse for over a week, changing dressings etc., and doing odd chores around the house. Thank you!

4 weeks later, I had a followup with the surgeon. To everyone’s surprise, the pathology report said that the tumour was in fact malignant. It was cancer. I had cancer. The good news is that it was quite localized and all indications during surgery and from the post-op lab-work were that it was all out. I’d have a follow-up with a radiation oncologist soon to discuss possible treatment. But I was feeling good, that it was probably cured.

I had that meeting yesterday and now I’m scared again. He recommends doing radiation treatments for 5 weeks. His thinking is that there’s no way to know if there are any remaining cancer cells in the area, so he’s inclined to take a conservative approach and radiate now. If there’s anything bad left in there, we’ll have a better chance of killing it while it’s weak, rather than when it’s stronger if it grows back months or years down the road. And if it were to grow back, there’s no telling what form it might take… it could be even worse.

I’d talked with a relative of similar expertise and experience a few days earlier, and her inclination was that, given the clear margin (no perforations in the extra layer that was removed with the tumor), it would be reasonable to monitor and only radiate if the cancer returned. It might well be cured now.

Both doctors acknowledge that there’s no definitely right way to proceed. The problem is that it’s a very rare cancer — there are only 45 published cases in the whole world. That’s far from enough for any statistically significant conclusions. No one knows how it behaves, what the recurrence rate might be, etc.

So now I have to choose between waiting and radiation. If I wait, there’s a chance that it’ll never return. Or it might. If it does, there’s a chance it’ll take exactly the same form and be fairly easily dealt with. Or it might be totally different and deadly. If I do radiation now to try and prevent recurrence, there are risks of various side effects that terrify me. There are also odds that none of them will happen. There’s a chance that the radiation will kill any remaining cancer cells. There’s also a chance that it’s pointless because the problem’s already cured. Nobody can quantify any of the odds related to the tumour. The only odds they can quantify are about radiation risks. For example, there’s a 1/1000 risk of spinal damage causing paralysis. That’s a small chance. But it’s still scary as heck, as is the thought of this thing coming back in some worse form. There’s scary all around. So… I’ve got some thinking to do over the next few days.

Anyway, here’s the song from January:



Five Point Five

It came right out of nowhere
Just about a week ago
I couldn’t quite catch my breath
And I still haven’t yet
Thinking I’ve got a long way to go
Oh, I’ve got a long way to go

Yeah, I stumbled over denial
Staring at a 3D scan
But I must admit I still hope
They call me up and say oh
No, that was of another man
Oh, that was of another man

CHORUS
It weighs heavy on my mind, heavy on my mind
The scariest song I’ve ever sung
It measures 5 point 5 centimetres wide
At the bottom of my left lung

It measures 5 point 5 centimetres wide
At the bottom of my left lung

It wants to make my darlin’ a widow
Open its jaws and take a bite
And, though the jury’s still out
Let there be no doubt
I’m not going without a fight
I’m not going without a fight

CHORUS
It weighs heavy on my mind, heavy on my mind
The scariest song I’ve ever sung
It measures 5 point 5 centimetres wide
At the bottom of my left lung

It weighs heavy on my mind, heavy on my mind
The scariest song I’ve ever sung
It measures 5 point 5 centimetres wide
At the bottom of my left lung

At the bottom of my left lung

The Only Hope

When I'm in bed alone
There's a darkness by my side
Not like they sing about in pop songs
No, only the blues can describe it

Feels like drowning now
Feels like sinking down

     It starts out small
     Then it's fifty feet tall
     Crashing down on me like a wave
     I'm a grain of sand
     Clinging onto dry land
     No point in even playing brave
     You're the only hope I'll be saved

Before you, there were none
Who made me want to stick around
For more than just a little fun
But for all kinds of ups and downs

Feel it taking hold
I feel it sinking in

     It starts out small
     Then it's fifty feet tall
     Washing over me like a wave
     I'm a grain of sand
     Clinging onto dry land
     No point in even playing brave
     You're the only hope I'll be saved

Ripe Old Age (Telling A Story)

There’s a sign of life
In black and white
I wonder if it can hear me laugh
It’s not the road I planned
But I’m a better man
Since you took that step across my path

     CHORUS
     Now we’re telling a story
     Telling the story of our life
     Sometimes we stumble
     Sometimes we get ahead of it
     Telling a story
     Telling the story of our life
     Sometimes a struggle
     Sometimes a love affair
     At this ripe old age
     I turn the page
     Telling a story

How I gain so much
From your touch
Sometimes I can’t even wrap my head around it
It’s a little crazy, oh
Yeah, you can feel it grow
So much, since we found it

     REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Once upon a time
Keeps us going farther down the line

     REPEAT CHORUS

That Ain't Why We Build 'em

Melody was a ballerina, she knew it in her heart
Even though there was no ballet in town
She saved her pennies up for a one-way ticket on a Greyhound bus
One bag, two shoes, and a point on the map eastbound
She always said, if she could dream it, then it just might come true

CHORUS 
We’re all raising sails
On the wild, wild waves
Hoping for a wind to fill ’em
They say a harbour is
The safest place for ships
Oh, but that ain't why we build ’em
No, that ain't why we build ’em

Rumours float around real fast, some say she’ll never last
That the course she chose is just too hard and long
Others say she lost her way, that she never had what it takes
But could a pure heart ever steer her so wrong?
Maybe she’s right, if she can dream it, then it just might come true

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Hold steady as she goes, steady as she goes, where the soul needs
Hold steady as she goes, steady as she goes, see where it leads
Hold steady as she goes, steady as she goes, see where it leads
Hold steady as she goes, steady as she goes, where the soul needs

REPEAT CHORUS 

Melody’s a ballerina, she knows it in her heart

Lingers

I made some pretty significant edits to the lyrics in this one.


I never look behind, once I’ve said goodbye
My feet never stop when they hit the ground
Reminiscing has never been my thing
But when I think of you, yeah it spins me round and round

     CHORUS
     Something about you, girl, just lingers
     Something about you, girl, just lingers
     You’ve been rolling round my head so long
     Like the chorus of my favorite song
     Going on and on and on and on
     On and on and on and on

     You make my heart pick up a beat, and it lingers
     I get caught in your melody, and it lingers
     In my mind, every line rhymes with your name
     Cuz it’s the only word I wanna sing, yeah, it lingers

Well, I recall the magic in your smile
I’ve sure got nothing like that now
You left a lonely hole punched though my chest
I’ve gotta find a way to get you back somehow, somehow

     REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Oh, I’ve been looking so far up ahead to find it
I never guessed love’d catch me from behind

     SHORT CHORUS
     You make my heart pick up a beat, and it lingers
     I get caught in your melody, and it lingers
     In my mind, every line rhymes with your name
     Cuz it’s the only word I wanna sing, yeah, it lingers

     In my mind, every line rhymes with your name
     Cuz it’s the only word I wanna sing, yeah, it lingers


Below are the lyrics as posted on March 18, 2015:

I never look behind, once I’ve said goodbye
My feet never stop when they hit the ground
Reminiscing has never been my thing
But when I think of you, yeah it spins me round and round

    CHORUS
    Something about you, girl, lingers
    Something about you, girl, lingers
    You’ve been rolling round my head so long
    Like the chorus of my favourite song
    Going on and on and on and on
    On and on and on and on
    Yeah, something about you, girl, lingers
    Something about you, girl, lingers

Well I can’t recall why we parted ways
And it don’t matter much right now
It seems I just can’t get you off my mind
I gotta find a way to get you back somehow, somehow

    REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Well, I’ve been looking so far up ahead to find it
I never guessed you’d catch me from behind

    Something about you, girl, lingers
    Something about you, girl, lingers
    You’ve been rolling round my head so long
    Like the chorus of my favourite song
    Going on and on and on and on
    On and on and on and on

Calico

I’m up a tree like a calico
Out on a limb, nowhere to go
But down

I keep saying I’ll be alright
Land on my feet, yeah, just hang in tight
For now

     Cuz way out here, it’s just me and the leaves
     Blowing in the breeze
     I feel the shake in my knees

     Ooh, yeah the shake in my knees

On the ground, looks like you’ve got it made
Laying in the grass, but that’s just a different shade
Of blue

C’mon and meet me over on the fence
We’ll take a look around and do whatever makes sense
For two

     Cuz way out here, it’s just me and the leaves
     Blowing in the breeze
     I feel the shake in my knees

     Way out here, it’s just me and the leaves
     Blowing in the breeze
     I think you’ll steady my knees

     Ooh, yeah you steady my knees
     Ooh, yeah you steady my knees

Whoa-oh, calico, whoa-oh
Whoa-oh, calico, whoa-oh
Whoa-oh, calico, whoa-oh
Whoa-oh, calico, whoa-oh

I’m up a tree like a calico

Parisian Kisses

A couple of friends are getting married this October. They got engaged in Paris, which inspired this song...

He hid the box behind his hotel night stand while he hit the shower
First time it was out of his sight in about 8 hours
Since he boarded the plane with his lady last night
Heading straight for the City of Lights

To see what her answer would be, he’d practiced for weeks
Had all the perfect words, just needed the nerve to speak
But he must have known, it’s the surest thing
She’d say yes, with our without a ring

     CHORUS
      Some things go on for years and years
      Decades and even eons, I hear
      But nothing lasts as long as Parisian kisses and love, love
      Nothing lasts as long as Parisian kisses and love

They walked along the avenue and craned their necks at the Eiffel Tower
And they both knew this wasn’t even their finest hour
He got down on one knee and the future was clear
When she smiled from ear to ear

      CHORUS
      Some things go on for years and years
      Decades and even eons, I hear
      But nothing lasts as long as Parisian kisses and love
      No
      Some things go on for years and years
      Decades and even eons, I hear
      But nothing lasts as long as Parisian kisses and love, love
      Nothing lasts as long as Parisian kisses
      Nothing as long as Parisian kisses
      Nothing lasts as long as Parisian kisses and love

My Curiosity

Here's a little kids' song that was inspired by last week's guitar lesson. Anybody got any contacts with Sesame Street or the Muppets?  :-)


I didn’t know how to spell watermelon
W, A, T, I kept forgetting
So I looked it up in a dictionary
And guess what else I found in the library

A whole bunch of books about combustion engines
Maybe one day I’ll take mechanic lessons
Build a motorcycle and ride it into space
Figuring things out puts a smile on my face

     CHORUS 
     I might not know everything 
     But I can find a way to see 
     How to do almost anything
     Through my curiosity 
     My curiosity

I’ve been looking for instructions to play marbles
I tried to Google it, but the results came out garbled
Would you mind asking your grand dad, or an uncle or an aunt
Cuz so far all I've got seems a little scant 

     CHORUS

BRIDGE
Well if there’s something you don’t know
Maybe I can tell ya
If you ever draw a blank
Man, just gimme a shout
There’s a pretty good chance
That I won’t have an answer
But if we put our heads together
Yeah, we’ll figure it out

     DOUBLE CHORUS

Running To Open Arms

I was laying on the ground
Under a fairytale sky
Wishing you were there
So I could feel you by my side

Thinking, all we are
Is carbon and love
One goes on and on
While the other turns to dust

     CHORUS      
     You’ll never be lost too long
     With your heart as the northern star 
     Nothing can steer you wrong
     Running to open arms

All I’m sayin’ now
Is time, it don’t wait
There’s no sure way to know
Till you’re looking back on it

So wrap your arms around me
Let’s dive right in
Gotta roll the dice
If we ever wanna win      

     CHORUS

BRIDGE
Here we go now, climbing over the mountain
With each step, every moment, we’re counting
On leaving our own trails behind
To blaze one side by side
 
     CHORUS
 
All we are
Is carbon and love
One goes on and on

Hounds At Bay

Hounds At Bay

Hunger and craving
The jaws and the teeth
Lusting and longing
No chain, no leash
I will be hunted again
If you ever leave

Stay, you keep the hounds at bay
Stay, you keep the hounds at bay

Safe under cover
Of your pulse and your breath
Shielded and sheltered
In the heat and the sweat
If a distance should grow between us
I’ll have no defence

Stay, you keep the hounds at bay
Stay, you keep the hounds at bay

Riding Shotgun

Riding Shotgun
(co-write with Nathan Smith)

The tank is full, my bags are packed
There’s room for yours beside ’em
No more talking ’bout our dreams
Let’s go see if we can find ’em

C’mon and leave it all behind
Just think what you could find

    CHORUS
    By my side
    On any highway
    We’ll take this ride
    And make it our way
    I’m in it for the long run
    If you’re riding shotgun
    If you’re riding shotgun
    If you’re riding shotgun
    If you’re riding shotgun

Pick a point on the map
Big or small, it don’t matter
It ain’t about the destination
We can figure that out after

Well I can follow any road
Cuz I got you to hold

    REPEAT CHORUS

SOLO

BRIDGE
I’m soaking up this red sunset
And dreaming of the road ahead

    DOUBLE CHORUS
    (Side by side)

Who says it can't be yours?

If I were a 20-something-year-old woman, I'd like to think that I'd sound like this:

When your streets are paved with coal
But you walk around ‘em just like they were gold
Some jerks are gonna call you a crazy fool
If you're not gonna do what they all do

You gotta chart the course you want
Let the sheep all laugh and doubt and taunt
Believe that when your ship heads out to sea
They’ll all be drowning in envy

Let courage scream, cuz talk is cheap
Let haters hate while dreamers dream

CHORUS
There’s a new wave rolling over that old ocean
There’s a fresh wind blowing in an ancient sky
There’ll be new sparks flying off of every fire
Until the last, lone ember dies

Who says, who says, who says it can’t be yours?
Who says, who says, who says it can’t be yours?
Go in search of more — make it yours

Well everything comes with its price
A champ is never born without a fight
You’re gonna have to take some to the chin
And lose a few before you win

So punch until your knuckles bleed
You’re Rocky, not Apollo Creed

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Keep kicking and climbing and digging and screaming
And kicking and climbing and digging and screaming
And kicking and climbing and digging and screaming
Till it’s yours

REPEAT CHORUS