It may not win a Grammy or CMA, but it's a neat little song with lots of catchy bits and a nice concept running through it. Something came to mind and I just went with it. No expectations = no handcuffs. And it didn't take long at all -- did a rough demo of it on the weekend. I may go back and try for a quick little bridge, but I've got 3 cool verses and a catchy chorus. And the chorus melody is something I never would have dreamt of in a million years if I was "seriously" trying to write a song.
It's the second full song I've written since getting home from the Nashville trip. The other is a love song about two characters at the Bluebird Cafe. I submitted it a week or so ago to NSAI for one of their online song evaluations. You upload your lyrics and an MP3, choose an evaluator (based on bios listing styles they write, experience, cuts, etc) from a list of 4 or 5 available, fill in a short form with any specific questions you have in mind, etc. And, a few days later, you get a review of the song. I've had 4 or 5 songs evaluated by 2 people this way and they've both been fairly detailed and really helpful.
Another thing that's been helpful these past several weeks is having somebody to regularly bounce ideas off of. My friend Paula in Nashville's been giving some great straight-up feedback about the lyrics. I've found that when you ask most friends, even other musicians, what they think of a new song, they usually say something polite or at best skim the surface. So it's nice having someone who understands that I want to pick things apart, who actually reads through every word and ponders them all. Then, if she comes back questioning something, it usually means I've got some editing to do!
So, I'm happy to report that the new love song got a really solid review. Everything was really positive, about how I developed the story, had a creative title, nice melody, etc. I was tickled pink. There were two criticisms:
1) At 4:43, it was waaaaaay too long for commercial radio. I knew this going in, but I guess I just needed someone more experienced to confirm it, plus I thought that some feedback would help me focus the edit. The evaluator tucked a great quote from Mark Twain into his review: I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."
2) The last line of the chorus wasn't standing up so strong as a hook. Here's what he said:
I liked that the evaluator didn't suggest any edits. He just gave me a goal of 3:30 total or 4:00 worst case. So I went back and re-read the lyrics.
My structure was Verse, Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus.
I absolutely loved the first two verses and how they set up these two characters and how they interacted with each other. So I didn't want to edit there. But the problem with them was that as 60 seconds rolled by, I still had 2 lines left to sing before getting into the first chorus. This was breaking one of Murphy's Laws for sure.
So I broke them up with a chorus: V C V C...
I'd been uneasy about the 3rd verse and bridge before I submitted the song to NSAI, so that's where I looked for the big edit opportunity. Paula pointed out that it seemed like I was trying to tie it up in a pretty little bow, jamming a definite conclusion that didn't feel natural or realistic. It was trying to be too pretty, too perfect. So I started editing. As I got into it, pulling apart what each line was saying versus what it could be saying, I realized that V3 and B were saying a lot of the same things, just in different words. That gave me a great way to chop a lot of time off. I boiled all of that down into a new bridge that's more realistic and believable. Pretty bow in the trash. And I cut 42 seconds right there! Mark Twain would approve. At 4:01, I was now comfortable with the length.
With the 3rd verse absorbed by a new and improved bridge, the new structure is V C V C B C.
Next, I set out to tackle the hook in the last line of the chorus. I'd really liked the words and the way they flowed, but I knew what he meant about it lacking a certain 'aha' factor. So I homed in on the sound of the key word in the title/hook and played around with rhymes for it without changing the meter/phrasing at all. It wasn't long before I had a new line that was a HUGE improvement and really summed up a lot of the characters' emotions. I was stoked.
I know it's difficult to really get into the crux of the matter when I don't give specific lyrics. I'm sorry. I just don't want to give too much away here. After all... I am working toward pitching these songs to artists! I felt a bit strange about that until I watched an episode of Man vs Row by Brent Baxter about recording demos. He let you see and hear just enough to give you a feel for what goes on in those sessions, but didn't let you hear anything telling about the song itself! Okay, I feel better now.
So, back to editing... I had four songs reviewed when I was in Nashville. I told you about the range of really helpful feedback I got at the time. I've since finished editing 2 of the 4 songs.
One of them was really difficult because the original lyrics were really close to home for me, with emotional ties and symbolism about my family and growing up at our house in St. John's. As such, I could see that a lot of the lines were a bit esoteric/cryptic and not straightforward. So I set out to re-invent the story being told. Let me tell ya, it was tough -- the original lines were [still are!] etched in my head. But I plugged away at it over 3 or 4 rounds of edits, including several whole new verses and bridges, and I think I've nailed it! So happy with it. It still holds true to the original sentiment about family love and loyalty, but there's a much more vivid and understandable story and characters now. I'm very excited about it!
The other song was much less work, just a few lines changed here and there. But I think there's more work to be done on it yet. I've always had a strange feeling about the chorus. I didn't get any negative feedback on it in Nashville, but this process is teaching me to listen to and trust my gut more. So I'm pretty sure there's a better chorus in me for this one. I love the idea in the words, I just don't like the way it's delivered. So we'll have to see what happens there.
The other two songs both need a fair bit of work. I haven't really rolled up my sleeves on either of them, but I've poked and prodded them enough to know that I'll most likely only be keeping their choruses, which are quite strong. It's those pesky verses, characters, stories... So there's a lot of work to do. I was working on one of these last week when I started feeling overwhelmed and decided to write that fun song about whiskey.
Let's see if I can take something from that "fun" little song into editing those other two "serious" songs.
